How many times have you started over? How many times did you give yourself the pep talk? “Okay this is my last relationship. This time I’m going to make things work. I’m going to fight for this one!” I’m sure many of us have had these conversations with ourselves. But how many of us have actually followed through with it? When you decided, “okay this is the last time” did you choose wisely about who you wanted to make things work with? Did this person have all of the qualities that you were looking for in a partner? Could you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person?
My views on relationships are pretty simple. When I think about a relationship, I expect the ending results to be marriage. I’m at the point in my life where when it comes to relationships and dating, I know exactly what I want. If we’re dating and I don’t see the potential of things going any further I won’t entertain you any longer. At my age I’m looking for stability, commitment, consistency, honesty and love. Time is one thing we can’t get back, so why waste it?
After a group discussion, I learned that marriage is an emotional subject to touch on. Many people have dreamed of marriage since they were a child. Whereas, some don’t think it’s that important. We talked about long term relationships and people taking the next step(marriage) in their relationships. My sister Bria believes “Why spend your life with someone who won’t commit IN FRONT OF GOD and the people you both love. People always try to look at marriage as a piece of paper. If you can’t or don’t want to marry Bria Saddler then get the stepping.” Whereas, Britney believes “Marriage just isn’t that important to me. To me the importance in someone you want to love forever should include: loyalty, substance, forgiveness, compassion, security…..etc etc. Marriage doesn’t guarantee any of that. The people in these relationships do.” Bryan believes that “If you’re not married then there’s no true commitment. When you’re married you make a promise in front of people and especially GOD that you’re with this person til death do you part. If a man or woman for that matter doesn’t want a marriage from you then the relationship is just temporary point blank. No matter how long yall have been together. One can wake up any morning and just say forget it, there’s nothing stopping me from leaving.” To my readers, how long is too long to be in a relationship without making that commitment in front of God?
I’m all for marriage, but only if it’s going to be done right. Marriage is something I can wait on because right now it’s last on my list. I haven’t even mastered dating and a relationship, let alone marriage. My biggest setback is having to keep starting over. Who likes to keep starting over? I most certainly don’t. For me it takes courage to date. Some may say I’m over thinking it and I should just get out there. Hmph, that may be true but I’ve already done that. You can’t give every person a chance just because they express interest. The person I want to date should be on the same level as I am when it comes to dating. I’m looking for potential long term. If you approach me saying “I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I’m just looking for someone to chill with” then I’m sorry but we’re not going to hit it off. I’m not going to pretend to be okay with that just to “get out there”. Because I would hate to fall for a guy again that “just isn’t ready”.
I have a great heart and my love is even greater. I almost gave up on love again but then I realized that I would be cheating myself and my future husband. I have a lot to offer to the man who’s going to appreciate it. So hopefully both of us are on the same page right now and both against “Starting Over”
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.—–Franz Schubert
Geeky Girl Nish 
Great post Nisha! When it comes to marriage I always feel like I’m running out of time. But I also understand it’s going to take time and patience. God will Im married and living happily ever after within a few years. We have a lot to offer and wasting time on men that aren’t ready or share the same values is not an option.
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Just when you think your time is up someone amazing is going to enter your life and make you realize the wait was worth it. We’re put in certain situations for a reason. Just like your future husband isn’t ready for you yet, you’re not ready for him yet either. I think we have to experience these trials and tribulations to make us prepared for what’s next. It’s like a prerequisite for the real deal. We can pass this with flying colors.
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I love it. Me and my boyfriend just had this talk. Sis you nailed it again. Keep them coming lol.
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Do I hear wedding bells? Lol!
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Nish!!! I love it. Marriage is important, but I’m in no rush to make that huge commitment.
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Yea don’t rush it. Love is beautiful. So take your time.
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Definitely, agree with this blog but I’m glad you haven’t given up on love. Someone is praying for the woman you are! Be blessed!
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Giving up isn’t an option for me. I know a good thing like me isn’t going to go to waste. I’m not being boastful, but I must say I’m wonderful. Lol! He’ll know that too.
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Marriage is absolutely a touchy subject because different people will have different views. I feel that a person knows not long after dating someone if they want to marry them or not. There’s no doubt in their mind. There is a difference from “seeing yourself marry them” versus “knowing you will marry them” and we sometimes get those confused. Just because someone has the potential doesn’t mean they are the one. Being in a relationship for 3 years or more with no marital commitment is a waste of time period. That person is either stringing you along until they find someone else or selfish enough to not want to make that commitment to you but doesn’t want to see you with anyone else either. I think a lot of time, women especially, don’t set the expectations up front which allows the other person to decide which rules to play by. When 5 years pass and your pressuring them about marriage they will say “you never told me that you wanted to be married by a certain time, or age” because it was never said. We all know closed mouths don’t get fed! Setting the standards from the beginning will allow both parties to be on the same page and have the same expectations so when the growth doesn’t come like it should, thats a sign that the relationship must end. More times than not people continue to waste time in meaningless relationships because of the fear of starting over. Change is good, and change is necessary for our growth and development as individuals. As you said time waits for no one so choose wisely who you give yours too because once it’s gone, it’s gone!
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Excellent advice. You brought up a like of great points. I definitely agree with setting the expectations up front. More times than none, expectations are kept a secret until one is actually feed up. If everyone is honest up front about what they want things would go a lot smoother. Honesty gives a person to decide if they want to pursue each other or not.
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I live this post, I think you have nailed it….. everyone has their own perception of what love is as well as marriage! Do what makes you happy, glad that you haven’t given up!
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7 Steps of Love is all I have to say to you. Lol!
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Great read! !! I am personally not big on marriage..I say that because to me, love is not a cookie cutter feeling or something you can label in one specific box. We all have different types of Love to give and receive!!! Ones dream might be having that big dress and showing the person they love a moment where all the world stands still in front of an alter. Another person might just want someone to hold their hand every night while laying in the hospital and waking up to that person before they lose their life. No paperwork. No dress. Just Love….. my point is, everybody “love” is different and we shouldn’t judge any of it. Just be secure in what you want and things will happen!! This world is so scared of being judge, they miss out on “love” when he/she was there all along…. I say do what’s for you, whatever that may be!!! I will only walk down an isle if I feel this is it. Not if I feel this is the only next step. There is a difference…
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Great read Nish. The thing with love and marriage is finding the person worthy of you and of your love, in order to receive love, I believe you have to be willing to give love. So many people put up a facade when they date, not showing you who they really are, and most times the person falls in love with a facade and not the real person, once the love is there, and the real “you”, “them”emerges, most people refuse to believe that they’ve been bamboozled, therefore they set out to change their mate and make them be who they said they were. That in itself is a problem because as much as you want to, you can’t make a person be who you want them to be. I said all of that to say, be who you are, ask for what you want, and never give in or give up. Love and marriage is not a one size fit all, do what feels right to/for you. Sometimes people don’t know they need you in their life until you’re there!
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Good Job mommynisha! Remember good things come to people that wait. Your prince charming is coming, but while you wait for his arrival continue to grow and be the best woman for you.
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Great Blog!
The thought of starting over ANOTHER time scares me. Some times we get comfortable just because of that fear. Or some times we don’t get comfortable at all. It’s like how do you know “this is the one”? Time and time again we go back and forth between, hoping this person you’re with is the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with and hoping you’re not wasting more of your time. Marriage is important to me because I feel like it’s a bigger commitment. People just don’t get married all willy nilly. But then again, some people do. I was raised is a two parent, married home, so I guess it’s the norm for me. I want to be “normal”. I want what my parents had but better. I want to be loved by not just a boyfriend, but by a husband. Not sure of the difference but I KNOW there’s a difference!
You’ll find your prince charming…. well he’ll find you! And he’ll be one lucky/Blessed guy!
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I love you post Nisha! It is difficult starting over but I can truly say it’s an amazing feeling to be able to connect with someone on a different level then you have before. I love the thought of marriage and sharing my life with a person who will be there every step of the way. Me and my boyfriend are moving in that direction of making that commitment in front of God and our family and friends. So hang in there and believe God will bring him to you. Love you!
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