How many times have you started over? How many times did you give yourself the pep talk? “Okay this is my last relationship. This time I’m going to make things work. I’m going to fight for this one!” I’m sure many of us have had these conversations with ourselves. But how many of us have actually followed through with it? When you decided, “okay this is the last time” did you choose wisely about who you wanted to make things work with? Did this person have all of the qualities that you were looking for in a partner? Could you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person?

My views on relationships are pretty simple. When I think about a relationship, I expect the ending results to be  marriage. I’m at the point in my life where when it comes to relationships and dating, I know exactly what I want. If we’re dating and I don’t see the potential of things going any further I won’t entertain you any longer. At my age I’m looking for stability, commitment, consistency, honesty and love. Time is one thing we can’t get back, so why waste it?

After a group discussion, I learned that marriage is an emotional subject to touch on. Many people have dreamed of marriage since they were a child. Whereas, some don’t think it’s that important. We talked about long term relationships and people taking the next step(marriage) in their relationships. My sister Bria believes “Why spend your life with someone who won’t commit IN FRONT OF GOD and the people you both love. People always try to look at marriage as a piece of paper. If you can’t or don’t want to marry Bria Saddler then get the stepping.” Whereas, Britney believes “Marriage just isn’t that important to me. To me the importance in someone you want to love forever should include: loyalty,  substance, forgiveness, compassion, security…..etc etc. Marriage doesn’t guarantee any of that. The people in these relationships do.” Bryan believes that  “If you’re not married then there’s no true commitment. When you’re married you make a promise in front of people and especially GOD that you’re with this person til death do you part. If a man or woman for that matter doesn’t want a marriage from you then the relationship is just temporary point blank. No matter how long yall have been together. One can wake up any morning and just say forget it, there’s nothing stopping me from leaving.” To my readers, how long is too long to be in a relationship without making that commitment in front of God?

I’m all for marriage, but only if it’s going to be done right. Marriage is something I can wait on because right now it’s last on my list. I haven’t even mastered dating and a relationship, let alone marriage. My biggest setback is having to keep starting over. Who likes to keep starting over? I most certainly don’t. For me it takes courage to date. Some may say I’m over thinking it and I should just get out there. Hmph, that may be true but I’ve already done that. You can’t give every person a chance just because they express interest. The person I want to date should be on the same level as I am when it comes to dating. I’m looking for potential long term. If you approach me saying “I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I’m just looking for someone to chill with” then I’m sorry but we’re not going to hit it off. I’m not going to pretend to be okay with that just to “get out there”. Because I would hate to fall for a guy again that “just isn’t ready”.

I have a great heart and my love is even greater. I almost gave up on love again but then I realized that I would be cheating myself and my future husband. I have a lot to offer to the man who’s going to appreciate it. So hopefully both of us are on the same page right now and both against “Starting Over”

Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.—–Franz Schubert

 

“In all of our relationships, we can only give what we have.” Determining the purpose of that relationship helps you realize how much you’re willing to give. So what purpose do you serve in your current “relationships”? And by relationships I mean friendships, partnerships, committed relationships, marriages and even the unforgettable “situationships”.  Are you giving all that you have, or are you holding back? From experience I learned that most people hold back because they fear being vulnerable. Is that a true statement for you?

For a long time I held back for that very reason. “I hate being vulnerable!” That’s what I said to myself as I tried to pick up the pieces of my shattered world, and piece them together. Being vulnerable left me broken, emotional and confused. It opened my heart and let a person inside. They knocked down every defense barrier I ever built. Which caused me to feel like I never felt before. Yep, that’s right, I was in love! One of my greatest fears. I guess you can call it “Facing Your Fears”. Now my second greatest fear was about to take flight. Yep, you guessed it: “Falling Out Of Love“. That journey was the ultimate struggle. We kept in contact throughout, which made it even harder to get back on track. Therefore, all contact had to cease. It took about two and a half years to finally feel like myself again. Maybe three but who’s counting?

That’s when my real journey began. I took that experience to really reflect on where I wanted to be as a woman, a friend, a daughter, a student and a future wife. I made the commitment to myself to make sure I made improvements in all those aspects of my life. To become a better woman, I looked up to the women who raised me(mom, Nana, grandma, aunts and mentors) and I aimed to be better than them. My motivation was, if these women are fantastic in their own way, I know that I could take something from each and be super fantastic. I’m still in the process of accomplishing this. To become a better friend, I promised to always be there, even when they didn’t need me. To become a better student, I promised to try my hardest and graduate from college. I accomplished the first part of my promise by earning my Bachelors of Science. The second part of my promise is to earn my Masters of Science in Computer Science. I will be accomplishing that soon. To become a future wife…………….well let’s just say, I almost started to feel a little vulnerable again.

 

To be continued……………

 

True beauty is in the brain